Sex, Dating, & Marriage...The REAL Reason It Matters!

"Everybody has sex before marriage--after all, don't you have to 'try before you buy?'" I hear stuff like this all the time--and you probably do too. Married folks have their own rationale, "C'mon, everyone cheats at least once--and if nobody knows, who's it going to hurt?" Or, "It doesn't count as cheating if you're thinking of getting divorced anyway." Or...we'll you get the picture.

Some time ago, I counseled someone who had agreed with his wife that they BOTH would be 'allowed' to cheat occasionally. They really believed this would "spice things up" in their marriage. You guessed it--they're getting divorced.

It seems the peer pressure and the powerful chemical attraction sex creates turns off our brains. And maybe it's true--everyone does so maybe we just can't help ourselves...so God understands--right?

Why not be sexually active outside marriage?

Is God just a repressed prude? Is He unjustly and unfairly calloused about our plight down here? The Church is often no help either. When asked, "Why not?," we jump to the classic, "Because God says so--that's why!" Frankly, to a committed believer, that should be enough to stop us--but it still doesn't answer the question as to why we should reserve sex for a monogamous, committed relationship only in the bounds of marriage. Does God have reasons for this? And, do His reasons go beyond the personal pro's and con's that affect us personally?

Oh yes...

Hundreds of books have been written about this subject. Most of them warn of personal, individual affects of fornication or adultery. They talk about unwanted pregnancy, family breakup, sexually transmitted diseases--especially AIDS, emotional pain, soul ties, guilt, spiritual separation in our relationship with God...etc.

But is it really all or even primarily about us? If it is, doesn't that still leave us with the old, "Well, I don't care--it's my life and if I want to take the risk, it's nobody else's business!" argument?

I would argue that it's really not about us. It's about God's very nature! There is a higher value of sex that "trumps" the personal choice issue. In other words, even if we could prevent all unwanted pregnancies, avoid every STD, insulate ourselves from all emotional and spiritual pain, and make it so that there was NO personal penalty or "cost" associated with premarital or extramarital sex--there would be two HUGE reasons to save sex for marriage!

In Genesis 1:26-27, we read, "Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground." 27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them." Later in Genesis 2:24, we're told, "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh."

Do you see the connection? To be in the image of God, we need the strengths and balance of both male and female. I'm not saying that God is gender neutral in the personal sense (like some liberal theologians do). What I AM saying is that the balance we see in the combination of both sexes BEST reflects the totally of God's nature. God is both justice and mercy, power and comfort, force and feeling, etc. So when we marry and are united spiritually, sexually, etc.--we picture the unity and balance of the Godhead.

Later, the Apostle Paul would tell the church in Ephesis, "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." 32 This is a profound mystery — but I am talking about Christ and the church (Eph. 5:31-32, NIV)." So here is a second reason to keep sex beautiful, pure, valued, priceless and something NEVER to be cheapened as a quick pleasure outside the bounds of marital commitment--it's pictures the church and her relationship with Jesus Christ. The oneness of spirit, mind, and body pictured by marriage is supposed to constantly testify to how Jesus loved His church enough to die for her and the church responds with unwavering respect and awe!

So when we treat sex like a cheap game, we're saying, "God, you are worthless. And the unity you have as Father, Son, and Spirit is meaningless to me. Furthermore, Jesus--the marriage to the Church--Who cares? It's irrelevant to my enlightened, 21st Century lifestyle." Most Christians would NEVER say these words--but a close study of scripture shows that this is PRECISELY what we believe and project when we use sex outside marriage for personal pleasure.

So stay pure Church. But do it for all the right reasons. Sure, you'll avoid personal pain, loss, disease, etc. But since God has told us "Why," let's appreciate the PRIMARY reasons. More than anything else, we value sex because it represents our glorious, perfect God and through Christ, His Bride, the Church.

In His Love,

Pastor Joel